thedeadparrot

Title: Paper Planes
Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Character: Toph Bei Fong
Length: 2:04
Summary: Bona fide hustler making my name.
Music: M.I.A. - "Paper Planes"
Notes: Made for halfamoon, because female characters are awesome.

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I figured I'd do the 7 things about me meme, just because I can. Ha.

001. I am Chinese-American, usually identifying more as Asian-American. I've been trying to reclaim this for me for a while, and I won't say that it's been easy to work through the issues that come from this feeling of not belonging in your own home, this feeling that you have to give up parts of yourself to belong here. But it's been better lately, and you, circlelist/flist, have been awesome and supportive when I have to do this stuff out in public. I am forever thankful that.

010. I usually hate sitting like a normal person on chairs or near desks. I have to bring my knees to my chest or fold them like, on the chair, with my knees sticking out in all directions. Sometimes, these are hard to accomplish when I'm sitting in classroom desks. But even then, I make it work, dammit.

011. My writing is usually at its best or most interesting when I have something to work with or against, basically when I have to figure out how to make something work for me in my head, which is why I think some of my best work has been about crossovers/AUs/prompts, because I like figuring out where the story is, how to be good enough to get it there.

100. I am extremely conflict-averse, mostly because getting into an argument with someone will usually stress me out a lot more than someone else being Wrong On The Internet. I usually only engage when I think I can handle it, but even then I sometimes grossly miscalculate.

101. I have been told that watching a television show/movie with me is An Experience. This is probably because I talk while I watch them. A lot. In a highly obnoxious way. Some people enjoy this more than others. But seriously, I think it's an extension of my enjoyment of analyzing/taking apart the media I consume. It's a lot more fun taking a deeper look at what I watch than simply consuming it. That's why we're in fandom, right?

110. I need to be moving sometimes when I think. I used to run around my house (literally), and these days, I'll jump onto my bed or hop around my room. These moments don't last very long, so it's basically impossible to turn them into like, a consistent jogging motivation. Which sucks, because I really need one.

111. I try to live my life with joy. This is not to say that I never feel down or out of it or upset. A cursory look through my past entires will tell you that. What I do think, though, is that the world I live in is amazing, and the leaves on the ground are amazing, and the sky above us is amazing, and the fact that we are right here, right now alive on this Earth is amazing. And I want to enjoy as much of it as I can. I want to fill my life with wonder.

A lot of my writing reflects this, I think, the way I believe that it's possible to carve out moments of joy amongst the shittiness of life. It's not easy, and it's not simple, but I have to believe it is possible at the very least.

---

In other news, I have been watching The Middleman, which I have been meaning to get around to, and I just have to say, WHY HAS IT TAKEN ME SO LONG TO GET TO IT?

It is goofy self-aware scifi/comic booky-y show with a snarky, geeky female lead who is capable of saying really complicated dialogue really quickly! (and is a WOC!) And it's fun and funny and not afraid to make many, many pop culture references all the time.

Basically, this is the warm, fuzzy television show of my soul, and it makes me so sad that it never lasted past one season. Like, if you have ever read a crackfic of mine and enjoyed it -- or even read a SGA humor fic and enjoyed it -- you will love the pants off this show.

(And omg, did you know that it's centered around female agency and female friendship? Did you? Thought I'd just POINT THAT OUT.)

Anyway, I want to say that there are Ideas brewing in my head for post-series futurefic for Wendy Watson. I might even write some of it for halfamoon.

Okay, so I finally got around to obtaining Merlin Season 2. I'm only about two eps in, and the simple fact of the matter is that I cannot watch too much of it at once or else I will end up lolzing over the entire thing like a crazy person.

So I KIND OF still love the OT4, even though they haven't had time to be OT4-y, and I have to say that I am kind of in love with the Arthur/Gwen, even though he's a total jerk and Morgana would be so much better to her. And the slash dragon still totally ships Merlin/Arthur.

Also, sometimes this show almost fools me into thinking that it might be epic and tragic and glorious, but then it totally ruins the effect a few seconds later by covering Merlin in leeches or highlighting Arthur's jerkassyness.


Anyway, anyone got any good Merlin futurefic recs? The more epic and tragic and OT4-y the better, of course.

I am so behind on responding to comments and a lot of other things, but I'm just feeling really tired and unhappy. Not sure I have the energy to comment with enthusiasm right now.

Classes started today. I'm usually too stressed out and focused to be depressed about this, but I need to take four classes and pass them all this semester to graduate. I did grad-student-fail a class last semester, and I'm worried about that happening again, because if that happens, I don't get my degree. Two classes I wanted to take this semester have been scheduled right on top of one another. And one of those is scheduled right on top of another class I'm thinking about taking.

I dunno, you guys. I'm not TAing this semester, and I have accepted a job offer, and both of those things mean that I suddenly have a lot more time and a lot less stress. But I'm worried about getting through the next few months without going through a mental breakdown. I love CS, and I love this department, but I think I may have reached a point where I'm just sick of it. My parents were really pushing me towards a PhD program, and I think it's good that I decided against it. Because another 3-4 years of this sounds like hell on Earth.

I feel like I'm stuck in that really ambivalent stage of life, where you're not really sure where you're headed or even where you want to be headed, and it sucks. A lot.

I don't think I'm cut out for this whole "adult" business. I'm sure things will look better in a few days, but at the moment, it's mostly just a soul-sucking vortex of unpleasantness.

Do you like banana bread?

Because I like banana bread, and I'm offering two loaves of the good stuff up at help_haiti.

And it's so bad to be thinking about these when I'm incapable of eating solid foods. Dammit.

I have been to Seattle and back! It was great fun, really chill and low key. We did visit the Science Fiction Museum, which was small but fun (and greatly overpriced). There was definitely an OMG KIRK'S COMMAND CHAIR moment and also speculation as to exactly what would be the best way to con William Shatner into sitting in it for a while and letting him heckle the passing visitors.

So, yes. I have been sort of lurking around LJ, and I feel as though there are several completely different posts I want to make, but I am entirely too lazy to go through.

In no particular order:
(1) How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Podfic. I've realized that if I ever want to commute via bus (a not entirely implausible possibility in the future), that will possibly mean lots of time on a vehicle that will make me motion sick if I attempt to read on it. So, I have decided to obsessively download lots of podfic right now and then consider maybe trying my hand at reading some myself in preparation for things that will not happen until August at the earliest.

(2) I am (finally) reading the Termeraire books, and while they have nifty worldbuilding and great characters, I can't get over how upset I am that Temeraire is a Chinese dragon, but he looks exactly like Western dragons, except with a head frill and whiskers. There's even a picture to show it. The Imperials are not my dragons. It makes me feel like some of the things I love are being painted over, hidden, and ignored in an attempt to 'universalize' it. And by 'universalize,' I mean 'Westernize,' and that bothers me. That bothers me a lot.

(3) Incidentally related to (2), I really wish it wasn't everyone's first instinct to hearing about my (and others') anger and pain and upset over ism-issues in canon X to tell me in my own space (a) how they are capable of utilizing their privilege to ignore the problems in X or (b) how much they love X despite the ism-issues I have just raised. No, really. All it makes you look like (to me) is a self-absorbed asshole incapable of resisting the "Post New Reply" button. The last thing I want to see in response to a statement that something is hurting me is someone saying directly to me, "oh, but it doesn't hurt me." CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, YOU ARE CLEARLY MORE DEVELOPED THAN ME. I WILL NOW BOW DOWN TO YOUR OBVIOUS SUPERIORITY NOW.

No, it does not make you a bad person to enjoy problematic canons. What makes you a bad person is the fact that you feel the need to justify your enjoyment to me. Because that is not necessary, and all it does is hurt me more.

(4) Have now seen all of the Doctor Who specials. ( spoilers for End of Time )

On a related note, I am in the process of watching the David Tennant/Patrick Stewart production of Hamlet, and I am rather enjoying it. I am kind of a Shakespeare n00b, to tell the truth, but I do like new spins on old stories. Always, always, always.

(5) I worked on my picfor1000 fic, and now the only real problem is that three different programs give three different word counts for identical bodies of text, which drives me nuts. I will probably pick one and then cry as AO3 cruelly picks a different one and laughs and laughs and laughs at me.

(6) Wisdom teeth are being pulled out tomorrow. This will probably be fun, if by "fun" you mean "incredibly unfun."

This year, I wrote a lot less in terms of number of fics, but I wrote a lot more in number of words than usual. My average fic length shot up by a lot, and I did, in fact, manage to reach my target of 50,000 words per year.

Overall, I have spent a lot of time feeling like I'm between fandoms, like I need something to really catch my attention and sink my teeth into it. We'll see what the new year brings. :)

Anyway, organized by fandom and with a bit of commentary:

I'll start with my yuletide stories, because they were just revealed.

Wire in the Blood/The Mentalist

wreathed with seaweed red and brown - This was my main assignment, and it kind of shows. So basically, before I received my assignment, I had no idea what The Mentalist was about let alone seen an episode of it. I got confused as to who "Jane" was in the assignment.

So obviously, when I got my assignment (which asked for a crossover), I freaked out a bit and flailed until I sat down and put the entire first season of The Mentalist in my Netflix queue. Because never let it be said that I would back down from a crossover. :p

Anyway, I ended up working on this thing non-stop from when I got the assignment. It turned into a case file monster, with me trying to make Red John into a coherent character and make Tony sound like Tony instead of some random American chick channeling Tony. There were suspects! And witnesses! And lots of dead bodies!

I ended up working on this story right up until the last day, and I'm really proud of it as an accomplishment of sheer will, and I got some very lovely comments on the story as well.

Much love to roga and M for the handholding in the early days, when I was still figuring out the plot, and with special love for M for betaing and being the crime drama whiz that she is. zulu helped out quite a bit on beta and cheerleading duty, for which I will always be grateful.


Star Trek RPF (which, yeah, duplicated below. SUE ME.)

Best Man - A Yuletide Madness ficlet about George Takei and Walter Koenig. Short and fluffy. It received exactly one comment this year, which just goes to show that yuletide popularity is such a crapshoot. :p


Harold and Kumar movies

It's The Thought That Counts - Written entirely on the 24th without a lot of time left, and with me going OMG WHY ISN'T THIS ENDING? and OMG IS THIS TOO MEAN FOR HAROLD? IT IS NOT TOO MEAN FOR HAROLD, RIGHT? Uh, my only justification for this was that at the time, some of the Harold and Kumar stories were not wrangled in time for me to see that that there were actually some other ones written for yuletide. (And they are all awesome, go read them.)


( and the rest of the year as well! )

Now for the superlatives!

( my favs, the most fun, etc. )

So what about next year, huh?

I'll try to be more active in fandom, more feedback, more discussion. I learned a lot this year, especially in terms of race and identity, and I want to keep learning, keep growing. I'm glad for the new ways I've learned to express myself this year, for things like Remyth and the Asian Women Blog Carnival. I'm looking forward to seeing how else I can express myself in the future.

For Yuletide, I received Grift Sense, which is Hustle fic, and it is excellent Hustle fic, all about the early days between Albert and Mickey, and it is exactly what I wanted and omg, I want to hug it and feed it cookies. The voices are excellent, and the slick, cool attitude is just perfect.

I also have Yuletide Madness treats which I am impatiently expecting. Hmpf. But in the meantime, there is plenty of fic to swim through! Yay!

(Also, um, Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!)

HOME SWEET HOME.

Okay, so I have been on an epic journey. Seriously, this is like one of those tests where you get let loose in the jungle, and you only have a paper clip, a hat, and a map scribbled on a napkin to get yourself back out.

So my story begins like this. I fly out to Seattle for an interview on Thursday. This goes smoothly enough. I show up, talk for half a day, get rejected, hang out with some friends. I am supposed to fly home on Saturday.

Then, the East Coast gets attacked by the Blizzard Monster. When I show up at the airport the next day, I find out my flight is canceled. Fun! The airline says I can't get a flight until Tuesday due to the number of canceled flights and people traveling for the holidays. I can't get in touch with my recruiter to see if they'll cover things or take care of housing-type things. Thankfully, my mom is like, a super-elite airplane traveler and therefore works her black magic to fly out on Sunday, when things are supposed to be nicer. Yay!

It's an extra day in Seattle, so this means I can hang out with friends some more and eat Dim Sum and make fun of The Avengers movie. Which is excellent. Yay.

The next day, I get up, go to the airport, and my flight is delayed by 20 minutes. This is worrying, because my layover is only about 35 minutes long. The people assure me that this is okay. There's a tailwind and the gates are very close together and they'll probably hold the plane for connections.

In theory, that's what was supposed to happen. What actually happened was that they delay ended up being an hour long, and of course, I managed to miss my connection. The next flight out? Not until tomorrow. So I am FUCKING STRANDED AGAIN FOR THE SECOND TIME, AND I HAVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS ALREADY, AND I THINK I'VE BROKEN OUT IN TEARS MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT DUE TO FRUSTRATION AND STRESS, AND GODDAMNIT, I WANT TO BE HOME.

Plus, I lost my hair tie, so now my hair just keeps annoying me. Fuck.