thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Jan. 29th, 2019 09:55 pm)
This isn't something I talk about often, if at all, and it's still a little uncomfortable for me. So hopefully posting it on DW makes it easier for me to talk about in real life or elsewhere.

The thing is that I'm kind of weird about taking on the identity of "queer". It's something that I kind of would like to use to define myself, but I have this very strong hesitation towards doing so, because it feels like maybe I'm not queer enough to really claim it? Like maybe I'm too cis, too ambivalent, too inclined to having feelings about dudes, too whatever, and that I'm someone who is just taking it on as an identity because that's what a lot of my friends are doing.

I guess I've seen too many arguments about identity policing and like, weird drama about people claiming to be HIV positive refugees, and I'm afraid of trying to join a fictional club and getting kicked out of it. Imposter syndrome of a sorts?

Intellectually, I know that identities can be claimed, and there's no one who can kick me out of the queer club, but I still feel like there's something holding me back from doing so. An implied judgment of my peers? Random people deciding I don't get to have it? I guess I also just want some encouragement from people that it's okay. That it doesn't feel like I'm stepping over lines I shouldn't be.
thedeadparrot: (obvious place)
(posted by on Jan. 20th, 2019 08:45 pm)
It's a great TV show about drag balls in the 1980s that doesn't wallow in misery porn and has a lot of found family feelings and cast trans women of color as their leads. All of the ballroom scenes are fucking fabulous. It explores issues of race, class, gender identity with a lot of nuance.

It's also fun. There's some frothy soap opera drama between two rival mothers of drag houses trying to compete against each other and the family dynamics within both of the drag houses.

Yeah, it cribs liberally from Paris is Burning, but it's still its own distinct thing, and it brought on board a ton of people involved in the ball scene as well as the trans community to help with the writing, so it doesn't feel creepily voyeuristic. It feels like queer POC getting a chance to tell their own stories.

Anyway, highly recommended if any of that sounded interesting to you. It's a world that's really cool and fascinating and that doesn't get a lot of airtime. I had some passing familiarity with the terminology and culture and such from watching Drag Race, but this is about capturing a particular time and place.
thedeadparrot: (going places)
(posted by on Jan. 11th, 2019 06:14 am)
Berlin fic is done! And posted! 24k of spy games and post-Cold War ruminations and maybe even some soft, squishy feelings.

Tear Down These Walls (24080 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 4/4
Fandom: Kingsman (Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin
Characters: Harry Hart | Galahad, Merlin (Kingsman)
Additional Tags: Berlin (City), Undercover Missions, Backstory, 1990s, Getting Together, Spies & Secret Agents, Canon-Typical Violence

Berlin, 1991. Agents Galahad and Merlin are sent on a mission to uncover information about an arms dealer operating in the newly unified city as the Cold War comes to a close. Along the way, assumptions are made, feelings are had, and they're forced to question everything they thought they knew.

thedeadparrot: (it's alright)
(posted by on Jan. 1st, 2019 08:26 am)
I was productive at the beginning of the year, and then I kind of decided that caring about hockey was more stressful than it was worth, and so I wandered off and didn't write much of anything until the latest monster took me (but I didn't finish it in 2018, so it doesn't count).

Hockey RPF

The Werewolf Prince's Husband (14252 words) - Everything about this fic is ridiculous. It started out ridiculously tropey in concept and then I kept adding in more and more tropes as I was writing it. It is a collection of tropes masquerading as a story, and I'm not sad about it at all.

The Werewolf Prince's Bachelor Party (4116 words) - Written in part because [personal profile] silverandblue knows the easiest way to convince me to write something is blatant flattery and asked me to write something for her to record for [community profile] pod_together. Not as tropey as the original, but it does feature dudes being very bad at feelings and hopefully enough zingy dialogue to make reading it and listening to it a blast.

push and pull like a magnet do (5309 words) - Sometimes your id just asks you to write things. This was one of them.

H₂S (The Five Rings Mashup) (2195 words) - Kamikaze Remix story. I got this story to remix, and I was like 'wait, who?' But then I used Google and found out this former Pens fourth liner went to the Olympics, and the world-building of hockey witches was fun to play with, so this was cool.


Knives Out (3980 words) - Rescued from the drafts folder. I just wanted more fanfic that explored how creepy Charles's telepathy really is, and so I just had him captured and drugged up a lot. I did try to shape some of that into an arc of some sort at one point, and it hung around the fic hoard because I felt like it needed more plot scaffolding. But then I reread it and was like 'nah, it doesn't.'

superlatives )
thedeadparrot: (staring at the sun)
(posted by on Dec. 31st, 2018 08:12 am)
First off, I have a draft! Of the stupid long Berlin fic! It's 23k words and I'm convinced it's terrible and not worth saving, but I will still have it betaed and edit it anyway, because I care too much! What the fuck!

Also, now that I have an [personal profile] azephirin visiting, we have binged a good amount of Lucifer, which is a show that I kind of hate a lot right now but has been promised to get better and has enough flashes of something interesting around the edges that I will stick with it at least while she's here. I have enough residual good feelings for Sandman to find this take on Lucifer really obnoxious. Flattening it out into 'well, and then he fights crime' sounds like the stupidest take. I also hate his relationship with Chloe, which is not sold well in any particular way. He can't use his powers on her, so of course he's obsessed? And harrassy? In a frequently sexual way? Okay? And the show seems to be convinced this is what passes for sexual/romantic tension.

Right now, six episodes into the first season, this show slots right into a particular subgenre of crime procedurals also taken up by The Mentalist and Castle where a hyper competent woman police officer has to drag around her reckless male non-law enforcement consultant and clean up all his shit while he does whatever the fuck he wants. (I would say that White Collar fit into this trope as well in the first season.) And that garbage has gotten real stale already. Thankfully, Mazikeen and Amenadiel are around to be interesting and hinting at some real complexity while the white people do stupid white people shit.
thedeadparrot: (christmas!parrot)
(posted by on Dec. 26th, 2018 07:36 am)
I haven't done this in a bit, but here's some stuff I read and enjoyed from Yuletide this year.

Gentle Slice Of Life Fics

Somehow I managed to read these one after the other, and they were very thematically linked, two quiet stories about finding contentment in a new normal and being in love. Of course their normal is radically different from what we'd consider normal, but that's what fiction is for, no?

It's a Curious Thing (1853 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Broken Earth Series - N. K. Jemisin
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Alabaster & Damaya | Essun | Syenite, Damaya | Essun | Syenite/Innon
Characters: Alabaster (Broken Earth), Damaya | Essun | Syenite, Innon (Broken Earth)
Additional Tags: between, Happy Times on the Island, Bit of Might have Been

It's a curious thing to be happy.

Syenite does not have the trick of it. So she scowls at the rare warm beautiful day. She scowls at the sunlight that reflects brilliant gold on the blue water and the white capped waves. Like a burst vesicle spilling everywhere.

From Santa With Love (2795 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Genghis Khan - Miike Snow (Music Video)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Gold Nose Villain/Secret Agent (Genghis Khan - Miike Snow)
Characters: Gold Nose Villain (Genghis Khan - Miike Snow), Secret Agent (Genghis Khan - Miike Snow)
Additional Tags: Redemption, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Reformed Villains, domestic life

Being a reformed villain isn’t easy. Not when there’s faking your own death, administrative bullshit and staff Christmas parties to deal with.


Less shippy than the tags might indicate, which, tbh, I was happy about. Full of madcap Squirrel Girl enthusiasm in all the best ways.

Nat Geo (1102 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Doreen Green/Kraven the Hunter
Characters: Doreen Green, Kraven the Hunter
Additional Tags: Yuletide Treat

Kraven needs a plus one to the National Geographic Anniversary Gala. Doreen was born for this.

Boston Feels 'R' Us

Good Will Hunting is still one of those movies/fandoms that I have too many feelings about, even if it's hastag-problematic in a lot of ways. Anyway, this is a lovely getting-together fic between Will and Chuckie which gets Boston right even if it calls it Dunkin instead of Dunks.

but we carry the weight (5720 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Will Hunting (1997)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Will Hunting/Chuckie Sullivan
Characters: Will Hunting, Chuckie Sullivan
Additional Tags: Drunk Sex, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, surprise feelings about moving across the country, handjobs, Anal Sex, thanks aliza, pornetry

“Come out and visit,” Will says, next time they’re on the phone.

thedeadparrot: (hughes knives)
(posted by on Dec. 13th, 2018 07:04 am)
I have been shamefully bad at this, but here's something I just posted. I dug it up out of my fic hoard and Google docs tells me I started it back in 2012. I once sent it to [personal profile] merisunshine36 directly because I thought she'd like it.

Anyway, it used to be called 'wacky telepathy h/c fic', but it's neither wacky nor particularly big on the comfort.

Knives Out (3980 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: X-Men (Movieverse)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Additional Tags: Captivity, Telepathy, Dark

Erik and Charles are taken captive by a military organization that wants to use their powers. Turns out, telepathy isn't all that easy to control, and Erik's left to pick up the pieces.

thedeadparrot: (ents)
(posted by on Dec. 4th, 2018 06:44 am)
I, uh, haven't posted anything since *checks* August, but I'm still around! I'm still alive. I had a bad few months in terms of anxiety/depression which did not help anything, but I'm in therapy and my brain drugs seem to be doing the thing they should, and I've ditched coaching entirely because I did not need that extra stressor in my life.

My latest jam is writing this Kingsman fanfic about Colin Firth and Mark Strong falling in love and doing SPY THINGS in post-reunification Berlin. I have been doing a ton of research (including reading an entire book!), mostly because post-reunification Berlin is fascinating and all of Berlin is fascinating, tbh. I keep being like 'hmm, I think I need to understand this other X thing about Berlin so I can reference it in the story,' but then falling into a bit of research hole because it turns out that X thing is actually really cool. (examples: the neighborhood of Kreuzberg, queer Berlin in the days of the Weimar Republic) This fic is at 13k words already, and I have a decent chunk of plot and feelings still left to grind through. If you would like to read over my shoulder and cheerlead, inquire within. I have other people reading along, but I could always use more emotional support.

Other things I have done/am proud of:

- Rode my bike in the rain on Sunday, didn't die when my back wheel popped out, spent like an hour outside [personal profile] disgruntled_owl's house fixing it in the dark and the wet. I made it home okay while riding it, though I desperately need to find time to clean it some more.
- Finished my giant Star Wars scarf. It's so pretty and so warm.
- Baked a ton of pumpkin bread this fall. I still have the eggs and pumpkin for one last loaf, so I will try to do that sometime.
- Trained for a 5k and managed to get a 31ish minute time in a race.
- Am up to November in a Pandemic Legacy game with friends. So close! So far!
- Watched a ton of Colin Firth movies, the good the bad and the ugly.
- Read a ton of books and caught up on a ton of graphic novel series for an Autumn Reading Challenge.
- Finally organized a work thing that I've wanted for a while, even though it was one of those things that depression brain made super difficult for me.
- Watched She-Ra! It was great! Reminded me a little of Avatar: the Last Airbender in some delightful ways.
thedeadparrot: (crouching tiger)
(posted by on Aug. 20th, 2018 06:51 am)
First up, I am definitely still working on ficlets from the couple of prompts I got in my last post. Look, you ask for mpreg and/or new ships for me, and it's gonna take longer.

Second up, I went to go see Crazy Rich Asians. Both because I genuinely wanted to see it and because of Asian solidarity, etc. I think there's been an unfair amount of weight put on this movie to be all things to all Asian people and also to have perfect politics wrt to the whole 'Crazy Rich' thing. I read some reviews that allowed me to be prepped for what to expect from it, and I found it to be far better than I'd even hoped.

More thoughts and probably also spoilers )

Even with the representation and the crying and all of that, I don't know if I identified super strongly with this movie. I liked it a lot. I would be happy to rewatch it any time. I don't think I loved it, though. And that's okay. I don't have to. If Hollywood can be bothered to follow the money, there will be other ones. Maybe even one that I will fall in love with.
thedeadparrot: (going places)
(posted by on Jul. 31st, 2018 07:44 am)
I had fun at con.txt, though I think I am still processing the whole experience. I met some cool fanpeople and got to hang out with some of my long-time fandom buds and talked about a bunch of fannish things for a whole weekend.

I guess some of my ambivalence is that it felt very much like a nostalgia trip for me. It's kinda nice to revisit a time in fandom where I knew all the references and felt connected to a smaller, tight-knit community, but I'm also wary of spending too much time there. I already feel like I'm one step out of touch with the youths, and I'm okay with that because that's just a part of getting older, but I also don't want to live in the past forever. I want to get better at embracing the new shapes and new things that fandom takes on.

And it's not something that I think I would get as much out of if I went to it every year or even every other year (maybe?). It's a nice thing to come back to every once in a while when you're feeling a bit adrift in the seas of New Fandom, but I feel like all the conversations I end up having at cons are very same-y, and I need a good amount of time between cons before they feel fresh and new again.

This has been an overly negative post for what was ultimately a good experience. I did come out of it with a renewed sense of creative joy, a desire to make things and to share them with fandom at large. Posting on AO3 can frequently feel like tossing things into a void and hoping someone catches it and likes it. Going to a con makes you more fully aware of the communities that you're connected to and of the other people who read it.

Of course, I don't actually have any specific things I want to write. Feel free to throw prompts at me.
thedeadparrot: (Default)
(posted by on Jul. 30th, 2018 06:27 am)
I'm alive! I'm around! I want to update more, but I feel like I don't have anything to say.

Things that I have done since, uh, February:
- started doing coaching hours again
- developed a weird relationship with hockey fandom (as a concept, not with the people)
- hit a fic drought again in terms of writing things
- locked my twitter account
- became super into Pokemon Go and active in the local PoGo community
- went to con.txt!
- started a giant Star Wars scarf and pair of socks that I've been working on for literal months.

Er, anyway. That's me so far. How is everyone else doing?
thedeadparrot: (need for speed)
(posted by on Feb. 20th, 2018 07:30 am)
There was a good thread about gender performance in sport, how the way sport are constructed itself can limit certain types of women's (generally queer) bodies from competing and thereby limiting the ceiling of what female athletes can do. It wasn't a bad thread, really, but what irked me was the way it kind of glossed over just how difficult it is to be female-bodied and athletic, just on a biological level.

I understand why not, because men like to pretend it makes them superior. Blah blah blah, the best women's teams can be beaten by high school boys. There's a lot to be said about how sport itself is constructed to be advantageous to male bodies on top of how much more support and encouragement boys get from the early stages of life.

But I think of every time a dude has said to me, "oh, before I started working out, I could only do one pull up," and I want to punch him in the face.

I can kind of do one pull up. It took me over two years to get to this point. I can't do it that consistently. If I skip a week of training it, it can take me weeks to get it back. Maybe at some point, I'll get two in a row. I'm not super super dedicated to the training or diet parts of getting and maintaining it. But that's the point. I have to put in way more work for my body to build and maintain the muscle mass, for my body to get to the right body fat percentages, in order to make this as possible for me as it does for many of the men I know who have it without even trying.

One thing that gets obscured in this conversation is what sorts of training and work and sacrifices women have to go through in order to even perform at these levels even before we talk about the sociological issues. One thing that female athletes is that dropping your body fat will fuck up your hormonal cycles until you lose your period and then mess your bone density. Not to mention that your hormonal cycles themselves can have a big impact on your athletic performance, to the point where many scientists don't even study female athletes because of the extra work needed to control for where they are in their cycles.

Anyway, the point is: fuck the patriarchy, but fuck biology, too.
thedeadparrot: (going places)
(posted by on Feb. 18th, 2018 08:30 am)
I went to go see it yesterday and I wasn't sure if I was going to write up my thoughts on it, but it's a rare big budget action movie that takes on more depth and meaning when taken away by the initial thrill and enjoyment of seeing it. I'm sure much smarter and more knowledgeable people have made these points more articulately, but I just want to get some of my thoughts down before I hunt down the thinkpieces.

spoilers )
thedeadparrot: (going places)
(posted by on Jan. 22nd, 2018 06:59 am)
I wrote a lot of fic this year. Shamefully, because of hockey. Which I still don't watch, but which I now know too much about. Shame. Shame, I say.

Yuletide Reveal

Perception (1649 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Chocolate (2008)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Zen (Chocolate), Moom (Chocolate), Masashi (Chocolate)
Additional Tags: Character Study, POV Second Person

Learning to understand the world.

I didn't actually sign up for Yuletide, but this set of requests came through the pinch hit list, and I was like 'ooh, I can write that.' and technically it was because District B13, my favorite terrible parkour movie, but this one was a more intriguing challenge, so I decided to write this instead. I love second person POV but it's not something I use very much anymore. This was a great chance to play around with it because of the character and her voice.

Hockey RPF

Starting with things I should have cross posted but didn't, I'm sorry.

then we do it again (8516 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Hockey RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jeff Carter/Mike Richards
Characters: Jeff Carter, Mike Richards
Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Reconciliation, Flashbacks

Everyone knows that soulmate names can fade -- the most common reasons are death and divorce. They aren't supposed to come back.

I'm not the biggest fan of soulmate AUs, but I do like all the ways in which fandom has messed around with the formula. This was kind of messing with the formula and also kind of not. I think my favorite part was getting to write their first meeting, where instead of lots of soulmate name drama, they get to be like 'oh hey, we're soulmates, cool'.

put it in the rearview mirror (16497 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Hockey RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Alex Galchenyuk/Brendan Gallagher
Characters: Alex Galchenyuk, Brendan Gallagher
Additional Tags: Road Trips, First Time

At the end of the season, the Gallys go on a road trip from Montreal to Florida. There are a lot of feelings involved.

Oh, Alex Galchenyuk. I liked it better when I only had feelings about retired hockey players. The Habs being the Habs, he's become the designated whipping boy, and all I want is for people to stop being mean to him and for him to escape to a team that actually wants him. The other side of that is the Habs being the Habs means we get their media team making shipper videos for us. Anyway, this was my first full-length road trip fic. It's always been intimidating, because you have to figure out the pacing of the travel and the locations and come up with touristy or not-touristy things to do that line up with the emotional development of the relationship. But I had a blast with this. So many feelings everywhere.

Everything else )
superlatives )
thedeadparrot: (good is dumb)
(posted by on Dec. 17th, 2017 05:37 am)
I think this is one of those movies I appreciated more than I enjoyed, and I'm still trying to parse out my feelings about it. I thought I would have more feelings about it than I did (my feelings are easy to manipulate). Which isn't to say that I didn't have feelings. Just. Less than I thought. But I've been spoiled by watching Coco and The Shape of Water recently, so.

All the spoilers in the world )
thedeadparrot: (silent sigh)
(posted by on Oct. 9th, 2017 04:28 pm)
So I saw it. I didn't even realize that I had that many Blade Runner feelings until I saw the first trailer for this movie, because while I appreciate it, I don't think there's a lot of there there. As I have mentioned to other people, I think the first Blade Runner is about 90% mood and 10% content. The mood is amazing stuff, and the content isn't terrible, but I feel like it gets more credit than it deserves. I saw a comment to the effect that the first Blade Runner movie is both the most overrated and underrated film of all time.

My expectations were set pretty low, and they were met. It's another movie that's 90% mood and 10% content, and that mood is amazing and the content isn't entirely terrible. The sound design was kind of a mess at times, intrusive when it shouldn't be. The punches sounded faker than usual. It's a movie that does silence well, though. The pacing is slow and deliberate in a way that I appreciated.

If you do go watch it, I hope you enjoy staring at Ryan Gosling's face, because there's a lot of that. It's pushing 3 hours.

spoiler-y thoughts )
thedeadparrot: (flying)
(posted by on Sep. 11th, 2017 09:19 pm)
I took a parkour coaching certification course a few weeks ago, and I'm still processing it. It was three full days of training, both physical training in parkour but also training in how to approach coaching. It was definitely not the sort of thing I was expecting to be as draining as it was. Coming off a work week, it felt like I was being shoved into another job. Which it kind of was. Coaching is a job.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I was the only woman there, and I was the oldest person there by about 4-5 years. I was still the slowest and the weakest, but not by as much as I was afraid of. I could keep up with the whippersnappers for the most part. It was tough, but I could handle it.

The real challenge was in the coaching. I felt somewhat prepared, having done a ton of TAing in college and going to a million classes in the area and watching what the coaches do. It turns out having the responsibility for the physical and mental wellbeing of a group of people (a bunch of the people in my class were teenagers) is way different than trying to teach them what a for-loop is.

One of the sessions I had to teach was almost a complete disaster. Granted, I only had three minutes to come up with something and was forced out of my comfort zone to teach the thing. Yeah, that didn't turn out so well. But I survived it.

I survived the whole weekend, actually.

It was an intense three days. The group I train with is intense. They believe very strongly in the importance of being intense. The mental part was a part of that, because parkour is a mentally taxing discipline, and I've seen it in myself and others just how much our mental barriers can keep us back. I value their intensity, because it also comes with a deep sort of self-reflection.

I've watched their Women's International Parkour Weekend 2017 video a whole bunch of times, especially when I feel in need of motivation or inspiration. And I love the Traceuse Portrait Project that came out of it as well. Maybe next year, I'll be able to go in person and experience that energy for myself. I'm definitely thinking of going to Vancouver for another women's jam.

Anyway, now that the course is over, I still have to do 20 hours of supervised teaching. My first class is this Friday. Eep. I guess we'll see how this goes.
thedeadparrot: (toph chop!)
(posted by on Sep. 4th, 2017 02:35 pm)
I had a birthday yesterday, and it was awesome. No cake, but I did have banana bread and momo and played video games, and this weekend was a lovely bike trip and ice cream sundaes and reading so much trashy tropey fic. Sooooo much.

I also posted new fic:

sleight of hand, twist of fate (7164 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Hockey RPF
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jeff Carter/Mike Richards
Characters: Jeff Carter, Mike Richards
Additional Tags: 2003 NHL entry draft, Prophetic Visions, amateur philosophy

Jeff Carter's got enough to worry about with the end of the OHL season and his NHL draft coming up.

The last thing he needs on top of all that is visions of a future with Mike Richards.

This is fic from earlier that I never got around to posting:

Toque You Long Enough (13249 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 8/8
Fandom: Hockey RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jeff Carter/Mike Richards
Characters: Jeff Carter, Mike Richards
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Kid Fic, Dads Falling In Love

Mike and Jeff are single dads whose kids play on the same hockey team. I'm pretty sure you know where this is going from here.

thedeadparrot: (war!hughes)
(posted by on Aug. 2nd, 2017 05:55 pm)
I have been meaning to post a bunch of stuff, but I have also been busy, SO.

First up, someone wrote me a long Steve/Peggy and it is EXCELLENT, full of dry wit and snark and adventures and feelings:

Lessons in Unsubtle Diplomacy (12708 words) by Siria
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe

Steve, Peggy, and a visit to an English country house after the war. What could possibly go wrong?

Second up, I participated in [community profile] pornathon, which was both exhausting and also great fun. I wrote six (6!!!) porny ficlets.

Vacation (749 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Iron Man (Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Pre-Movie(s), Beaches, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Series: Part 1 of Pornathon 2017

"What did I tell you, sweetums? Tropical vacation. Best stress relief on the planet," Tony says.

Clothes (750 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey
Series: Part 2 of Pornathon 2017

"It really does look better on you," Poe says.

Journey (747 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia
Characters: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)
Additional Tags: Travel, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Series: Part 3 of Pornathon 2017

The places they've been.

Secrets (749 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: How to Get Away with Murder
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Oliver Hampton/Connor Walsh
Additional Tags: Season/Series 01
Series: Part 4 of Pornathon 2017

After the bonfire, Connor can't sleep.

First (744 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Queer as Folk (UK)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Stuart Alan Jones/Vince Tyler
Additional Tags: Consensual Underage Sex
Series: Part 5 of Pornathon 2017

Stuart tries some things. Not all of them work out.

Nature (745 words) by thedeadparrot
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: X-Men (Movieverse)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Additional Tags: Telepathy, Consent Issues
Series: Part 6 of Pornathon 2017

There's a story about a scorpion and a frog, about how the scorpion will sting because that's what scorpions do. It always reminds Erik of Charles.

THIRDLY, the fic positivity meme:
my thread here

Writing has been burning me out a bit, so it would mean a lot to me if you were to drop me a comment if you like my fic. ♥
thedeadparrot: (need for speed)
(posted by on Jun. 28th, 2017 08:53 pm)
This past weekend was an awesome parkour event that left me exhausted, miserable, thrilled, thoughtful, and delighted. It's my second year going to it, and I think I got a lot more out of it this year than I did last year.

This isn't limited to parkour, but there's both a mental and a physical component to the sport. The first few years of training, I could mostly blame my issues on the physical side of things. I couldn't get my body parts to move in the right ways. I didn't have the arm or leg or core strength for anything. Some of these things are still true. My physical capabilities do limit what sorts of moves I can pull off and at what heights. But now the mental difficulties are starting to come into it.

There's a lot of talk about fear when it comes to parkour. How to approach that fear. How to overcome it. How to deal with it. You hit a certain point and then everything you try in parkour becomes about fear. It's not like, 'jumping off buildings' fear. It's 'trying to jump one step higher on a set of stairs' fear. I feel like recently, fear has dominated my training. I go to classes, which is great peer pressure and a great way to have a set schedule, but it's not great for doing what they call 'breaking' jumps. Finding something that is terrifying and breaking it down into smaller pieces until you achieve it.

I hadn't realized how much that fear had been eating away at me until this weekend. I would love to say that I overcame all of it and got in touch with my inner badass and now I'm doing ridiculous things. That's not how it went. It mostly went 'omg, I'm too tired to try this thing. man, I would love to do this move, but I'm not strong enough and I'll totally clip my toe. oh no, my feet are sore so I can't land anything' over and over and over again. There were a few exceptions. One session, the coaches decided that 'we're going to exhaust you until you can't think and then make you try to break a jump'. I exhausted myself, but I also broke a jump. Kind of. I went a little easy on myself. But that session stuck with me.

It's good to be shaken out of your own complacency. I need to find more ways of confronting my fear head-on. The solution isn't to throw myself at things and hope they work, either. I've already injured myself a few times that way. The solution, I think, is to carve out more training time for myself. To spend more time getting in touch with my fear. What it looks like. How it works. How valid is it. How to manage the risks when I do push myself past that line.

Easier said than done, of course, but I'm glad I can see the shape of it.

Also, I need a parkour icon, goddamn. I should make myself one.


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