thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Feb. 4th, 2009 02:41 pm)
I have been angry lately because I feel like have a lot of anger to make up for. I've been thinking about race in general and my race in particular, and how I've spent so much of my life identifying as white because it was easier, because it was expected of me, and I've been trying harder lately to say, "No. Fuck that shit. That's not who I am. That's not what I've experienced."

I've spent too much of my life thinking that none of my white friends understand my anger because it's not valid, that I shouldn't get angry because it means rocking the boat, it means making other people upset, and I'm a good Asian girl. I don't do things like that. It means that I've noticed race, and I shouldn't do that, that makes me a racist.

I want to change that now. I want to get angry and say so and have reasons for it. I want to say what I've been pushing away for so long. I want to talk about something that has made me so upset for so long, I still have the scars.

This is about constructions of beauty, and about my own issues, and about racism.

Why I Will Hate Arthur Golden Forever And Ever )
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