thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Jan. 27th, 2010 12:28 pm)
I am so behind on responding to comments and a lot of other things, but I'm just feeling really tired and unhappy. Not sure I have the energy to comment with enthusiasm right now.

Classes started today. I'm usually too stressed out and focused to be depressed about this, but I need to take four classes and pass them all this semester to graduate. I did grad-student-fail a class last semester, and I'm worried about that happening again, because if that happens, I don't get my degree. Two classes I wanted to take this semester have been scheduled right on top of one another. And one of those is scheduled right on top of another class I'm thinking about taking.

I dunno, you guys. I'm not TAing this semester, and I have accepted a job offer, and both of those things mean that I suddenly have a lot more time and a lot less stress. But I'm worried about getting through the next few months without going through a mental breakdown. I love CS, and I love this department, but I think I may have reached a point where I'm just sick of it. My parents were really pushing me towards a PhD program, and I think it's good that I decided against it. Because another 3-4 years of this sounds like hell on Earth.

I feel like I'm stuck in that really ambivalent stage of life, where you're not really sure where you're headed or even where you want to be headed, and it sucks. A lot.

I don't think I'm cut out for this whole "adult" business. I'm sure things will look better in a few days, but at the moment, it's mostly just a soul-sucking vortex of unpleasantness.
thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Sep. 3rd, 2009 11:48 am)
So, grad school orientation has started, and I've been mostly avoiding it despite offers of free food, because I don't think I could handle it. It's like the first week of college, except for the part where everything is new and exciting, leaving behind only the awkward and a bunch of new people you don't care much about. Also, shitty icebreakers.

There's a barbecue later today. I would go, except for that thing where I feel nauseous just thinking about it.

I mean, I know where everything is, and I know a good number of the undergrads, and this all is really just a waste of my time. I miss being in dorms, where you had enough people around that it was hard to feel isolated. I love my roommates, but they go in and out a lot, and we have bad tendencies to hole up in our rooms. I visited TH on Tuesday and hung out with some of the other TAs who are back early, and that was soothing, to say the least.

Part of my anxiety over this, I feel, is that I need to figure out who I'll be working with on my Master's project. And I don't really have a "field" so much as a great appreciation for how much smarter everyone else is from me. I don't know. I get that as a Master's student, I am basically free labor to a lot of profs around here, since they don't need to fund me. At the same time, I have Issues with approaching people about Things and that makes it hard for me to just shoot an e-mail to a professor to arrange a meeting to talk about things.

Argh.

Also, it's my birthday. I might be setting up a DRABBLERAMA -- [personal profile] zulu style -- later, but right now I have to TeX up a million documents and write a section on pivot tables in Excel.
thedeadparrot: (beauty breakdown)
(posted by on May. 23rd, 2009 06:28 pm)
Man, I love flouncy writer wank if only because it acts as a reminder that I should keep my own flouncy writer tendencies in check. I think a lot of us have been there, getting defensive at crit, being upset when SOMEONE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND OUR PURE GENIUS SOULS, emoing when someone gives you less than stellar feedback. But the trick is to remember that those reactions are flouncy writer tendencies and are not to be listened to.

Also, I got to listen to Fareed Zakaria be smrt today and sat around in a nylon solar panel. With a hat. No, I'm not officially graduated yet.

I should pack.
thedeadparrot: (death and dream)
(posted by on Mar. 8th, 2008 02:39 pm)
1. It's practically flooding outside right now. Yay rainy season!

2. Enjoyed this week's SGA.
some spoilery thoughts. don't expect depth )

3. Here, have a bit of fic:
Do I even have to explain where it's from? )

4. Have an idea for remix that doesn't suck, but I know it will make it quite obvious that I wrote it. Fortunately, I don't actually care that much.

5. Horrific Algorithms midterm was horrific, but I made it far enough past the mean that I'm pretty sure I'm passing. The professor, however, is not pleased with the overall performance of the class and might make us all retake it. Which would be bad. And sad. And even more horrific.

6. Someone tried to find Open Your Eyes on [livejournal.com profile] sgastoryfinders. I have arrived, fandom! I have arrived!
thedeadparrot: (staring at the sun)
(posted by on May. 8th, 2007 06:35 pm)
Paper is done! All I need to do now is take two finals (back-to-back, omg) on Friday and get out alive.

And now, to enjoy the weather.
thedeadparrot: (oh the angst)
(posted by on May. 7th, 2007 07:03 pm)
Slightly more than halfway through this paper.

It's going to be a long night.
thedeadparrot: (death and dream)
(posted by on May. 6th, 2007 03:03 pm)
Dear fandom,

write me more Sandman crossovers, omgplz.

Love,
me

Paper is being slow and evil. There are not enough words in the English language to express how much I hate writing papers. Give me code over this any day of the week. I'd rather be writing sockets.

I'm also half-asleep because I didn't get enough sleep last night, and I am very tired. And very much not interested in writing my stupid paper.

Still not looking forward to this week.
thedeadparrot: (oh the angst)
(posted by on May. 4th, 2007 07:40 pm)
Stuff I have to do:
1. Finals grading
2. Write 10 page paper
3. Implement timer/timer interrupts.
4. Server grading

In more awesome news, I compiled a .deb for Pidgin, mostly by myself, because the other .debs were full of suck, and it's kind of a useful thing to know.

I have started Foreman fic! Though I am going to be insanely busy for the next week! Ninjas in space!
thedeadparrot: (weary)
(posted by on May. 1st, 2007 04:33 pm)
So, I might get screwed over by my professors, because I have two finals scheduled at the same time, and one of them seems unwilling to set up a makeup exam. Goddammit.

Our Gameboy emulator works, though. So, yay? I won't fail that class?

I'm also tired, miserable and pissy, too.
thedeadparrot: (rain damnit!)
(posted by on Apr. 17th, 2007 10:50 pm)
So I missed House because I was having a meeting about a CS project, which I can't really feel bad about at all. Because, seriously, Gameboy emulators. Besides, we need to start doing lots of work on it soon, anyway. I think we can pull this off, but it's definitely going to take work on all our parts.

So, it's pre-frosh day(s) here right now, and I'm in full, "Yay, Brown. Yay, CS." mode. I have the whole "I am a representative of this department" voice going and everything.

I am so over this rain. So over.
thedeadparrot: (war!hughes)
(posted by on Apr. 14th, 2007 09:09 pm)
I have pwned sockets.* It is done, at the very least.

I am now past the halfway point on my goal of writing 50,000 words this year. This is very exciting. I may or may not be hella productive this summer, when I'm going to be living in bumfuck, MA working for Cisco. We shall see.

FMA 70 is almost awesome enough to get me to write more proper FMA fic again.




* not really
thedeadparrot: (obvious place)
(posted by on Apr. 3rd, 2007 07:50 pm)
My minesweeper is full of failure right now. It's nowhere near done, and in theory it's due in 4 hours, but I think I'll take a late day.

Also? I NEED MORE COWBELL.

Or maybe just need to figure out how to code GUIs in Qt. That might actually be useful.

On the other hand, the final project for this class? A Gameboy emulator. We totally get to play Pokemon on demo day.
thedeadparrot: (oh the angst)
(posted by on Apr. 2nd, 2007 11:27 am)
I'm sorry for constantly spamming you guys with fic, apparently Spring Break leads to surprising amounts of productivity. Just, you know, except the kind you need.

It's kinda drizzly outside, and it's definitely one of those days where you really want to curl up by the window with a good book, but I really need to write lots of code. Lots and lots of code.

And not, like, you know, read fic instead.
thedeadparrot: (Default)
(posted by on Mar. 15th, 2007 10:22 am)
The five stages of grief pre-exam stress:

1. Slow, dawning dread.
2. Panic.
3. Zen calm.
4. Resigned bitterness.
5. Fidgety nervousness (aka Panic #2).

I think I'm on #4 right now. Go me.
thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Mar. 14th, 2007 01:14 pm)
So, I'm clearly trying to kill myself, because I just signed up to be a head TA for an intro computer science class next year. It's going to be massive amounts of work, but at least there are going to be three HTAs for this class next year, which should lighten the workload a bit.

I may or may not get a single next year. I am crossing my fingers and hoping.

Totally going to fail my Game Theory midterm tomorrow. It's not even funny.

Looking for an internship this summer. Job hunting is doing okay, I guess. Had a phone interview this morning with Cisco.

It's π day today. w00t?
thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Jan. 25th, 2007 04:07 pm)
1. Write up lame discussion questions for Utopia. Resist the urge to make every question "Isn't Thomas More kind of stupid?" or "Why is Book 1 so painful?"
2. Curse Amazon.com for saying they've sent my books, even though it's quite clear that they haven't. At all.
3. Find ways to never be the sole class TA ever again and/or kill all other TAs out of sheer bitterness. (Most likely through evisceration.)
4. Type up class notes. Tell the professor that I have done so.
5. Alert students that yes, they do in fact need to sign up for lab times and go to lab this week and do this week's homework, and that no, it is not my fault that some of them left before I made the announcement.
6. E-mail concentration advisor about declaring my concentration.
7. Think of all the bullshit paperwork I have to do for said declaration.
8. Cry.
9. Try to do bullshit paperwork.
10. Cry some more.
11. Write some really melodramatic crap.
12. Make someone else go to class and take notes on Tuesday so that I can shop a class at that time.
13. Figure out textbooks.
14. Order textbooks.
15. Look at price tags.
16. Yet more crying.
thedeadparrot: (bitch please)
(posted by on Jan. 23rd, 2007 04:17 pm)
Male geeks should not be allowed to make generalizations about women, ever. Arguably, no one should make generalizations about women, but male geeks are far more obnoxious about it than most.

It amuses me greatly that he claims that women like seeing each other face to face too much to communicate in primarily text-based medium. Which is why they don't like sci-fi, apparently. And why online fandom doesn't really exist. Especially because there are no girls on the internet. Just guys pretending to be girls.

Writing feels kind of painful lately. I'm not blocked, per se. I'm not searching for ideas. I have a few that I like. It's just that getting them down feels weird and awkward, like I'm relearning how to write. Maybe I should try something short before I jump into something longer.

(And yeah, [livejournal.com profile] mjules, I'm totally working on it, the only problem is that I can only seem to write one paragraph of it at a time before I start twitching.)

Classes are starting up tomorrow. The way my schedule is stacking up, I might not have any Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes, which would be kind of nice, though also really annoying. Because Tuesday/Thurday classes are the worst. They're long and kind of painful, and I really don't want to have to deal with four of them in one day. I need to do some shopping for an Econ class though, and one of the ones I'm really considering is M/W/F. So maybe that might turn out okay.
thedeadparrot: (marshall is my geek god)
(posted by on Jan. 15th, 2007 06:48 pm)
I miss having a Mary Sue. She made everything better. Like if there was some annoying thing about canon that needed to be fixed, she could go in and fix it, and everyone would like her and the world would just be a better place if she were there. Seriously. I really do miss her a lot these days.

I have been pimping out Neil Gaiman's A Study in Emerald to all my friends, so I feel like it's necessary to pimp it out to all of you. It's a Sherlock Holmes/H.P. Lovecraft crossover and it's brilliant. Just go read it. Bask in its brilliance. It's in PDF form, but don't let that stop you. The fake advertisements are awesome.

AIGLX kind of hates me and everything I do. *sniff* Maybe I'll try to set up XGL, see if that actually works, but I'm feeling too lazy.

Also, I head back to school and TA Camp tomorrow. Must do lots of packing. Holy crap, I'm halfway through the school year. When did that happen?
thedeadparrot: (badass!roy)
(posted by on Dec. 18th, 2006 05:21 pm)
Today has been "get shit done" day. I am quite happy about this.

A list:
1. Took my last final.
2. Beat Zelda: Twilight Princess.
3. Uploaded my [livejournal.com profile] yuletide fic.
4. Posted fic.

All before 5pm, too.

Also, in honor of finals being over, a meme:

Comment here and I will write you quick drabble based on the icon you use.

I swear I'm going to write them this time. For reals.
thedeadparrot: (self-portrait me)
(posted by on Dec. 10th, 2006 11:13 am)
So, yeah. Finals are coming up, and I should really be studying and stuff.

Also, I got sick or something last night, there was a fever involved, and I am massively sore from going to matrial arts for the first time in a while. I think I'm better today, but I'm not sure how much better I am.

And tomorrow, I get to grade other people's finals. yay.
.

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