thedeadparrot: (spock cat)
thedeadparrot ([personal profile] thedeadparrot) wrote2017-06-06 09:08 pm
Entry tags:

chatfic: the Mike Richards/Jeff Carter future fic i want but will never write

So I've been talking about the fic where Jeff Carter becomes a GM and Mike Richards is the head coach and they have to deal with their past in order to make ~their future~. It is the fic of my heart, and I will never actually write it because it is too perfect in my head, and I would just ruin it the second I tried to put it into real words.

That doesn't mean I won't chatfic about it with [archiveofourown.org profile] Dark_Eyed_Junco. So here's some lightly edited chat logs, mostly posted here for my own entertainment. But hey, maybe you'll get some amusement out of them too.


thedeadparrot
maybe i will just sit around and have too many feelings about mike richards: head coach
because i'm still never going to write it
Junky Junco
mm hmm
so you say now
wait until you see how much i enable you
like
what team should we put him on
the jets maybe
thedeadparrot
uh, where are they?
i know they used to be in winnipeg?
i think?
Junky Junco
they are in winnipeg currently!
they were his favorite team growing up!
theyre close by!
its perfect
well the current franchise is originally from atlanta but w/e
thedeadparrot
hahaha
that would explain the references i heard
they learned that atlanta doesn't care about hockey
Junky Junco
hehe
thedeadparrot
i can't imagine jeff wanting to end up in winnipeg, tho
Junky Junco
maybe he tells himself he would never
thedeadparrot
maybe he was shamed out of his last job or something
Junky Junco
but oh look mike is there
surely that doesnt factor in his calculations at all
OR DOES IT
hmmmm???
thedeadparrot
see, and here i thought that it would be like, he is partially responsible for hiring mike, for MAX DRAMA
Junky Junco
and then everyone is like oh wow a new GM surely he's going to want his own staff and fire mike richards
and theres dramatic tension!
but then guess what!
they bang.
thedeadparrot
wow, what a completely unpredictable turn of events!
Junky Junco
i know right
thedeadparrot
and then jeff has to figure out if he wants to keep mike on because mike's a good coach or if he's just still totes in love with him?
Junky Junco
yes
and theres pining
maybe they are about to fire him and jeff realizes he might ~never~ see him again so he has to stop it
thedeadparrot
hahaha
there's a dramatic scene of him bursting into the board room
Junky Junco
yes
STOP THIS
I LOVE HIM!!!!
thedeadparrot
i imagine that he bursts in and then stares at everyone in bafflement as they wait for him to say something
what do i do now?
Junky Junco
theres a brief moment of panic
thedeadparrot
and then he thinks of mike's sad face
and then is inspired!
Junky Junco
yes
he blurts out a bunch of nonsense and then stomps out
thedeadparrot
and mike's like, 'uh, dude, that wasn't helpful?'
Junky Junco
give him some credit mike he's trying!
thedeadparrot
he just loves you so much!
so does mike get fired???
Junky Junco
ofc not
ths stunning outport of support convinces management to give him another year
and then they win the stanley cup or something
thedeadparrot
of course they do
Junky Junco
HEA
thedeadparrot
they get a dog together
that's like adopting a child for them
of course, we're missing all the drama with the actual team
a pack of interchangeable white boys
who all sound the same
even if two of them are french canadian
Junky Junco
haha
the team? ugh
i guess we can mention one or two
thedeadparrot
it might be funny if they just keep talking about the team
and we never actually get to like, hear them
and the stories they relate are increasingly absurd
'so, we have a pr disaster involving jenkins and that goat.'
'what, you want me to bag skate him at the beginning of next practice?'
'strip clubs were really a lot different back in our day. what the hell do they even use all those balloon animals for?'
'i don't think we want to know.'
Junky Junco
YES
that can be our comic relief to lighten up our extreme pining and angst
thedeadparrot
so what is the actual pining about?
i mean, the team? mike's impending firing?
all that stuff that happened back in LA (to be revealed at a plot-appropriately dramatic moment)?
Junky Junco
ohh
there are many possibilities
maybe jeff has been dreaming of a post-retirement future like this for years!
but he never thought it would happen!
and now he doesnt want to screw it up but also does mike want this????
its been so long!
also they cant talk about it like adults because reasons obvi also mike thinks jeff wants to fire him idk
thedeadparrot
awwww
talking like adults? they don't know how to do that!
it's been so long! how do they even work together anymore?
Junky Junco
yes
I need it
its such a rich vein to mine
maybe they parted on bad terms and now they need to reconcile
thedeadparrot
or maybe it was just a drifting.......
but then they're together again
and all the feelings are coming back!
so quick!
like no time has passed at all!
Junky Junco
yes!
if this was a movie thats where we would put the music montage interlude
thedeadparrot
there's some hockey going on in the background
but like
it's just them staring at each other longingly
Junky Junco
yes
in the background the nameless players are falling over
ice is slippery
also ive decided that the team are loveable losers
maybe they dont win the stanley cup after all
thedeadparrot
but it's okay because they have ~each other~
Junky Junco
yes.
that way we can tack on a tacky moral too
this story has everything!
plls write it
thedeadparrot
fanfic: all about teaching morals
Junky Junco
who needs trophies when you have love
its not about the destination its about the journey!
yeah!
thedeadparrot
nah, they gotta win the cup
Junky Junco
ohhh
is it a come full circle kinda thing
thedeadparrot
yup
they had love and the cup once! they get it again!
Junky Junco
hehe
that can still fit with the loveable losers narrative
everyone loves when the underdog wins after all
also this time when they win they can kiss on center ice
thedeadparrot
hahahahaha, wearing their shoes!
and not skates!
it's because mike is just too good as a coach
so good!
he can take this ragtag group of misfits
and turn them into a TEAM
Junky Junco
yes
like the mighty ducks!
(the mighty ducks win right)
thedeadparrot
always
you should watch it
it's great

[digression about The Mighty Ducks and The Cutting Edge, which is amazing, btw]

thedeadparrot
anyway, i think that's part of why jeff already has to be GM and mike has to be hired as the new head coach
because mike changes the dynamics!
Junky Junco
hehe
thedeadparrot
~the missing ingredient~
Junky Junco
mike richards knows how to win!
#narrative
thedeadparrot
Exactly.
Junky Junco
#grit
hashtag mike richards would run over you in his car to win the stanley cup
and would come visit you in the hospital later
thedeadparrot
Haha. Best quote.
Junky Junco
or the one where sutter said if you throw a nickel out onto the rink mike is coming up with it
thedeadparrot
That one's pretty good, too
Jeff all of a sudden starts questioning his own judgment?
Is that the real reason he wants Mike there?
Junky Junco
yes
beautiful
he passionately tells the whole front office about mike richards hashtag competitor
but is there something more??????????
thedeadparrot
Exactly!
Mike is blissfully oblivious to Jeff's internal strife
He is here to hockey really good
Junky Junco
ohhh
he could be all business
jeff is all hey you wanna...get dinner.....later
and mike shows up
with a folder full of scouting reports
thedeadparrot
Amazing.
It just makes Jeff pine harder
Junky Junco
ofc
the full first half of this needs to be wall to wall pining
with some GM window trappings tacked on at the side
thedeadparrot
Meetings everywhere!
How does Mike figure it out?
thedeadparrot
I am imagining tearful confessions?
But when? How?
Junky Junco
we shall have to think deeply on this issue
thedeadparrot
is it not until jeff makes his big dramatic plea to the board?
it could be great!
'why did you do it?'
mumblemumble
mumblemumble
'ohhhhhhh'
Junky Junco
yes
that is the ideal time
I guess in this case mike is about to be fired because the loveable losers have tipped too far into the loser side
maybe...at....the trade deadline?
but then they get better.
thedeadparrot
yes
they squeak into the playoffs
but how? why?
Junky Junco
other teams inexplicably suck and they trade for an alpha loveable loser
also because true love finds a way

[digression]

thedeadparrot
hahahaha
but then that puts too much emphasis on the team as people
and we can't have that
Junky Junco
yes
better to just have every other team
uhh
get mumps
yeah
thedeadparrot
actually not unlikely
freakily end up in a playoff spot
weird freak accident
Junky Junco
yes
and then they triumph
thedeadparrot
because they do the flying 'V' maneuver
i guess this means that they're really part of the anaheim ducks
whoops
Junky Junco
hehe
sorry but the ducks can never be loveable losers
thedeadparrot
awwww
yeah
anyway
mike does some coaching magic
handwave
and everyone gets their heads in the game
Junky Junco
yes
like every sports movie ever
thedeadparrot
inspirational speeches!!!
maybe they finally get a good goalie
that's probably the key position that would change things
Junky Junco
oh yeah
thanks for your service nameless goalie
thedeadparrot
jeff spends lots of sleepless nights making it happen!
and then falls asleep on mike during meetings
Junky Junco
ahhh
perfect
thedeadparrot
mike hooks his ankle around jeff's underneath the table!
Junky Junco
wake up sleepyhead
thedeadparrot
it's so gross and sappy and i love it
ANYWAY
back to the pining
all the terrible times jeff gets distracted by his pining
during press conferences!
when he's visiting the team during practice!
Junky Junco
yes
obviously
theyre holding up a jersey together for a photo op
and their hands must brush
thedeadparrot
yesssssss
Junky Junco
IM SO HAPPY TO WELCOME MIKE TO THE TEAM
says Jeff
IM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE WE CAN DO GREAT THINGS ( MORE CLICHES)
thedeadparrot
yesssssss
and he just keeps looking over
before he says things
even if it's ridiculous
just so he remembers that mike is there
Junky Junco
yes
he finds himself deferring to mike
because thats what he used to do!
and then mike gives him a weird look like uh you're the GM you should answer this question???
thedeadparrot
and jeff mumbles something
and looks away
Junky Junco
and then he goes home and analyzes that weird look for 2 hours while lying sleepless in bed
thedeadparrot
what does it meannnnnn
and mike brushes him off every time he tries to have one of their old bro conversations about like bro feelings
because mike is all gung ho about the hockeying
and jeff pines away sadly
they could have had it all
rolling in the deep
Junky Junco
lol
and as the season goes on and their record gets worse mike gets more and more serious about the Hockeying
thedeadparrot
yessss
and jeff gets more and more distracted by his mike feelings
until mike like has to hold up a giant sign that says
WE NEED A FUCKING GOALIE
Junky Junco
hehe
mike is all im going to lose my job unless you go get us a goalie!
jeff blinks and is like oh....so that means you want to stay??
mike: ??????????? are you listening to me?
thedeadparrot
yessssss
and jeff is like 'omg, he wants to stay!'
(with meeeeeeeee)
Junky Junco
yes!
thedeadparrot
and as a sign of his dedication
he gets mike a goalie
and stops the board from firing him
mumblemumble goaltending mumblemumble
mumble penalty kill mumble
Junky Junco
hehe
thedeadparrot
they have that dinner at jeff's place and mike talks about scouting reports and jeff is just caught up in
~nostalgia~

[digression]

thedeadparrot
okay, so in terms of this fic i'm definitely never writing, what causes mike to end up coaching the jets? i mean, was he coaching the chl before that? or another nhl team?
Junky Junco
i think either way works fine...
or maybe he was coaching for a while and then 'retired' and has to be coaxed out
what kind of hypothetical time are we thinking for this hypothetical fic
45? ish?
age wise?
thedeadparrot
i think he feels the need to be intense about hockeying because he left his last team in like, shame?
i was think mid-forties, yeah
Junky Junco
maybe he could have been an asst coach somewhere and then he got fired and our feuded with someone
and then he went home for a year or two
and now jeff is like lets hire mike! and everyone is like whaaaaaaat he never coached in the NHL
as head coach
thedeadparrot
hahaha
yeah
and jeff's like 'no, he's perfect for our ragtag team of misfits!'
'we can't find anyone else!'
Junky Junco
hahahah
NO ONE WANTS TO COACH THE JETS
no one...likes.....winnipeg?????
(no offense winnipeg)
thedeadparrot
heeeee
yes
well, now that we've flipped the order
why does jeff go to winnipeg?
omg, is he also trying to erase some sort of past shame?
it's their redemption narrative!
part 2!
Junky Junco
never enuff redemption arcs
ohhh
mike an be like every time ive ever left has been on bad terms
i wish....it wasnt like that....this time
!!!!!!
thedeadparrot
awwwwww
he's going to rewrite his narrative!
if there's one thing he's learned, it's that!

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